Let me set the scene. On one side, we have Boulder Junction, the resplendent jewel of Wisconsin, a place with a charisma so palpable you could wrap it in cheese curds and sell it at a Brewers game. On the other side, we've got Stevens Point, a town with a name so bland, it makes plain yogurt seem exciting. But we're not here just for a showdown between towns. We're also shining a spotlight on our dear friend Ryan Gleesing, or as we call him, "The Fisherman That Fish Fear Not."

Firstly, let's talk about the natural beauty. In Boulder Junction, we've got more lakes than Ryan has excuses for not catching fish. Which is, mind you, a Herculean feat. With 194 sparkling bodies of water, you're never more than a stone's skip away from serenity. In Stevens Point? You'd be lucky to find a puddle to step in after it rains, let alone a whole lake.

And speaking of water, let's dive into fishing, a favorite pastime for many, but for our friend Ryan? More like a comedy act. Here in Boulder Junction, we're dubbed the "Musky Capital of the World." I hear Ryan once tried to catch a Musky there, but the Musky wrote a strongly worded letter to the Fish Union about harassment from a particularly clueless human. Rumor has it, Ryan’s on their “Do Not Fear” list now. As for Stevens Point, their most dangerous water-dwelling creature is probably a rubber duckie.

Moving on to community events, we've got Colorama. Yes, folks, a festival where we celebrate changing leaves. Because we have seasons in Boulder Junction, unlike in Stevens Point where the two seasons are "Winter and Construction." Plus, in Boulder, we even have a 'Liar's Contest' where people compete to tell the best tall tale. Ryan should enter, he'd kill it with his fishing stories. “I caught a fish this big,” he'd say, stretching his arms out wide, only to be met with laughter because we all know his biggest catch was a minnow, and that was a fluke.

In Boulder Junction, we've also got White Deer Triathlon, a testament to our athletic prowess and community spirit. In Stevens Point? They've got the “Riverfront Rendezvous,” which sounds like a mediocre dating app. I mean, who wants to rendezvous at a river? The fish? Oh wait, Ryan might finally get a catch!

On the note of amenities, we have the Northern Highland-American Legion State Forest in Boulder. That's a mouthful to say but a delight to experience, with hiking trails longer than the duration of Ryan's fishing patience. Stevens Point? Their claim to fame is the world’s largest trivia contest. I suppose if trivia included questions like, "Which town's fishing scene makes Ryan Gleesing look like a professional?" it'd be a fun time.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Stevens Point has its charm, in a “watching-paint-dry” kind of way. But Boulder Junction? It's more than just a town. It's a way of life, an encapsulation of all that is glorious in the Badger State. So, if you’re considering a Wisconsin getaway, make the right choice. Choose Boulder Junction.

As for Ryan, well, we hear there's a children's fishing pond opening in Stevens Point. Perfect for him to finally make a catch, although those goldfish might still give him a run for his money.

And remember, folks, this isn't just about cities or fishing abilities. It's about quality of life. And life, like a Boulder Junction sunset or a Ryan fishing tale, is all the better for a hearty laugh.